


Cat Among the Pigeons

by kerrykhat



Category: DC Comics, Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-14
Packaged: 2018-01-04 14:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerrykhat/pseuds/kerrykhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It turns out Dean and Sam aren't the only ones with a bone to pick with Bela...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cat Among the Pigeons

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** "Supernatural" and all related characters belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Any and all DC characters belong to DC. Don't come to me looking for rights. If I had them, I wouldn't be a poor college student.  
> 

"Oh shit,” Dean muttered under his breath as she spied a familiar shape meandering towards him and Sam. “Damn it, she’s already seen us.” Sam glanced around, trying to see what his brother had spotted. When he caught a glimpse, he joined his brother in silently glaring at the figure before them.

“Sam, Dean, what a surprise to see you here!” exclaimed a smartly-dressed Bela Talbot, giving the brothers a bright smile. Dean stared at Bela silently, while Sam gave her a forced smile in return. “What’s the matter? You two look less than thrilled to see me,” she pouted, glancing up at Dean.

“Well, considering the only time we ever see you is when you’re using us for one of your freaking scams, I think the feeling’s understandable,” Dean replied through gritted teeth. “So, who are you trying to con this time ‘round?”

“You wound me, Dean,” Bela answered with a hurt look, which neither brother bought. “My business is a perfectly acceptable practice of capitalism. There’s a supply and demand for certain products, and I merely strive to make sure that the two curves reach an equilibrium. It’s as good an interpretation and application as any investment banker would tell you.”

“You steal from people and sell dangerous artifacts to buyers who don’t know the risks,” Dean countered, his hands jammed in his pockets to preempt any temptation to stop Bela. “How’s that an acceptable business practice?”

“Then why do institutions such as Wall Street exist?” Bela asked, an eyebrow raised inquisitively. When both Dean and Sam remained silent, Bela shook her head and continued: “As much as debating my business practices provides countless hours of entertainment, that’s not why I’m here.”

“Let me guess, you need our help?” Dean said, a frown crossing his face. “Let me just say no way in hell. You think I’ve forgotten the last time we helped you, when you double-crossed us? Or the time you sold us out to Gordon Walker, who then tried to kill us?”

“The item I’m after is perfectly harmless, I assure you,” Bela continued, as if she hadn’t heard what Dean said. “I just need your help, for one brief moment. And, if you help me, I’ll give you what you want.”

“And how the hell do you know what we want?” Dean demanded, wondering why the hell Sam was staying so quiet.

“Because you’re human, and humans have very simple wants and desires,” Bela explained, giving Dean an amused look. “And, since you’ve already declined sex with me, money is the other great motivator of men.”

“You honestly think we’re going to help you steal something for some cash, when you’re probably just going to double-cross us, again?” Dean asked incredulously. “You can’t be that stupid.”

“I’ll pay you. In advance,” Bela said, eying the brothers with an appraising eye. “Does that satisfy you, Dean?” Dean glanced over at Sam, who motioned him over to the side. Dean sent a glare in Bela’s direction before following his brother. Bela didn’t say anything, but strained her ears as best she could to hear what they were saying.

“You seriously aren’t going to tell me to take the job,” Dean groused softly to his brother. Sam rolled his eyes and whispered something too soft for Bela to hear. Dean looked at his brother in surprise, and…was that anger? Maybe there would be angry sex in her future. She could only hope.

“Fine, we might be able help,” Dean bit out, his face still having an angry shade to it. “You tell us the artifact, we think about it and we’ll let you know.”

“Or, you say yes, I pay you, you help me, and we all get what we want,” Bela said. “You get some untraceable money to use, my buyer gets what he wants, and I get paid. I think that sounds like a happy ending for everyone.”

“Not until we know what exactly we’re helping you with, Bela,” Sam answered, speaking for the first time. While Dean still looked steamed, Sam’s face was carefully neutral. “Not if it’s going to save someone, or cause them to die if they lose what you’re stealing for them.” Bela glanced between the two brothers, wondering if she could break their resolve. Seeing their determined faces, she gave a small sigh.

“Very well,” she conceded, even though going into this she had a feeling they would want to know what she was after. “It’s a statue of the Egyptian cat goddess Bast. I’ll give you,” she glanced at her watch, “one hour to look it up, and decide if you want to help me. You know my number.” With that, Bela turned around and walked off. Dean watched her go, before angrily turning to Sam.

“What the hell were you thinking, Sammy?” he asked angrily. “How do you know this isn’t going to bite us in the ass, like it always seems to do when she’s around?”

“Look, Dean, I’m not exactly thrilled, but this is the best way,” Sam countered. Dean glared at his brother, but he knew Sam was right. How else were they supposed to even the score with Bela if they didn’t do this?

“So, this statue, you have any idea what it does?” Dean asked Sam after they had returned to their hotel room.

“Bast was a fertility goddess,” Sam explained. “I did some background research, and the statue in question appears to have been looted in the early 20th century from an Egyptian tomb. As far as I can tell, it’s not cursed. There’s been no suspicious deaths surrounding the thing, only an unnatural number of births. Even then, all those kids turn out perfectly healthy.”

“So, you’re telling me this thing is perfectly harmless,” Dean said, looking over Sam’s shoulder at the computer screen. “Well, I’ll be damned. There’s a first time for everything.”

“Tell me about it,” Sam agreed, turning to face his brother. “So, do you think we should? We are getting paid in advance?’ Dean thought about it for a moment, before giving a curt nod.

“Let me make the call to Bela, while you take care of everything else,” Dean said, pulling out his cell phone. Sam nodded, and quickly exited the room. The phone rang once before Bela picked it up.

“You’re cutting it close, Dean,” she said, her voice causing Dean to grit his teeth. He would just have to wait on killing her until after this job was done. “You only have five minutes left.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to make pretty damn sure I knew what I was getting into before I helped you,” Dean replied. “We’re in. But, we better have that cash before hand and it better not be fake, or laced with trackers or any of the BS you might pull to try and get it back afterwards.”

“Dean, like I would do that to you,” Bela pouted. “Very well. I’ll be at your motel in half an hour, with the money, and the details on the job. See you then.” She hung up the phone, leaving Dean glaring at the cell phone in his hand. He really hated having anything to do with Bela, but he hoped everything worked out perfectly in the end. If it didn’t, he would never forgive Sam for getting him into this mess.

“This is it? This is the plan?” Dean asked later that evening, looking at Bela, who only smirked at the two brothers. “You wanted us to be lost male strippers?” Sam was beside him, a shocked look on his face. Bela rolled her eyes at them, before shoving the costumes at the two men.

“I need some sort of distraction that will allow me to enter, remove the statue, and exit the building, and two bumbling male strippers will do nicely,” she explained, giving both brothers an appraising look. “Are you two afraid to show some skin?”

“We’ll do it,” Sam cut in, before Dean could say something stupid. “When do you need us to be there?”

“In about half-an-hour,” Bela replied. She had given the two brothers their money earlier, and they had dutifully gone through it before declaring it suitable and getting down to business. OK, she could’ve chosen something other than male strippers, but she did need to get something out of this arrangement, and seeing the boys this uncomfortable was it.

“Do you mind leavin’ us to change?” Dean snapped at Bela. Bela rolled her eyes, but quickly left the room. Dean waited until he was sure she wasn’t going to burst back in before grabbing a piece of hotel stationary and writing on it, _Did you make the call?_ Sam nodded, and Dean quickly tearing up the note.

“Come on, Sammy, let’s get this over with,” Dean muttered, grabbing the clothes Bela had left them.

About seven minutes after she had left them, the boys emerged from their room. Bela gave them both an admiring glance. “Those costumes fit better than expected,” she observed. Both of the boys were dressed in what were obviously fake police uniforms that gave a hint at the muscle underneath the clothes. “Are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be in this getup,” Dean complained, pulling his leather jacket closer to his body and making his way to the Impala. “Sammy, you coming, or are you just going to stand there?”

“It’s Sam,” Sam corrected his brother, following him to the car.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk,” Sam replied, getting into the car. “Let’s do this.”

Twenty minutes later found the two brothers standing uncomfortably in front of an elaborate house, glittering from the lights inside. Taking a deep breath, Dean walked up to the door, Sam close behind. He knocked and stepped back, plastering a fake smile to his face when the door opened.

“Hello?” asked a confused host, taking in the men before him. Behind him, the guests gave the pair intrigued looks before returning to their conversations. “Can I help you?”

“Is this the Barrow residence? We’re here for the bachelorette party,” Dean answered, pitching his voice lower than normal and adding a sultry air to it. As soon as he said this, all the female eyes turned towards them, as well as quite a few of the male ones as well.

“I’m sorry, you have the wrong address,” the shocked host replied. Dean gave Sam a dirty look and Sam threw his hands up in defense.

“Dude, that’s the address the service gave me,” Sam protested, keeping half an eye on the room behind the host. One woman in particular caught his eye, a fierce, cat-like woman with short black hair and bright green eyes. She gave him a lusty wink and a wide smile. Sam felt himself blush, so he turned his attention back to the conversation his brother and the host were having.

“Sir, I’m telling you, we’re supposed to be at this bachorette party in five minutes,” Dean argued. “If we don’t get there, then we don’t get paid. And I get mighty angry if I don’t get paid.” Dean had stepped forward and jabbed a finger angrily at the man.

“If all you want is money, here, fine, take this,” the man shouted back, throwing some bills at them. “Take it and leave me alone!” Dean made a big show of picking up the money and counting it. It totaled to more than $500.

“We’d make more than this in tips,” Dean complained loudly. By this time, everyone at the party was intently watching the scene at the doorway, leaving the rest of the house unattended. The man gave him a sour look and added a few more bills to the pile.

“Here, you happy now that you’ve taken all my cash?” the man asked angrily. Dean and Sam exchanged a look and shrugged at the same time.

“Thanks,” Dean said, walking away from the door with a frustrated air about him. Sam gave the host an apologetic smile before following his brother to the car parked around the corner where no one could spy it. They weren’t surprised to see Bela waiting for them. Before they could say anything to her, they were stopped by a cry of “Wait!” Turning around, Sam and Dean saw the black-haired woman who had winked at Sam running after them.

“Yes?” Dean asked, eyebrow raised questiongly, while Bela glared at the woman for interrupting their conversation.

“Well, if you two don’t have anything to do afterwards, you can always come keep me company,” she purred, walking to Sam and not-so-gently bumping Bela out of the way. “I’m sure I can make it worth your while.” Sam felt his whole body flush, but he was saved from potentially embarrassing himself when Bela interrupted.

“Excuse me, but I was already going to engage their services for this evening,” Bela replied, an irritated tinge coloring her voice. “If you would like them on another night…”

“I’m going out of town tomorrow and I wanted something to make it memorable,” the other woman replied, stepping into Bela’s space and crowding her against the car. “I’m sure you can wait.”

“Well, that’s unfortunate, since I won’t be here tomorrow, either,” Bela replied, eyes narrowing. “And I don’t like losing.” The woman leaned forwad and whispered something into Bela’s ear, which Dean only barely caught. It was along the lines of, “You’re lucky I don’t want any trouble.” Bela wisely remained silent. The other woman straightened and gave the brothers a sultry smile. “It’s a shame I didn’t get to spend more getting to know you better,” she said to the brothers before making her way back to the house. Dean paused for a moment to admire her before turning to Bela.

“Get in the car,” he ordered, sliding into the driver’s seat. He drove in silence until they reached Bela’s parked car. She was about to get out when Dean stopped her. “Do we at least get to see what we helped you jack from someone else?”

Bela thought for a moment before reaching into her pocket. Her face froze for a second as she reached around. “What?” she whispered, drawing out a wrapped package. She unwrapped it, revealing a rough stone carving of a cat, with a note tapped to it’s front. She ripped the note off and read it, her face becoming angrier and angrier as she did.

“Did you know about this?” she asked, looking up to meet Dean’s eyes. Dean gave her a confused look.

“Did I know about what, Bela?” he asked, trying to see what was going on.

“This,” she hissed, shoving the note in his face. Dean turned on his flashlight in order to read, and Sam joined him:

_Bela,_

_It was lovely finally seeing you face to face. I had heard so much about you, I was a little disappointed when I finally met the girl behind the reputation. I just wanted to let you know this is nothing personal, it’s strictly business. Oh, who am I kidding, of course it’s personal. We all know you aren’t the best, and it was time someone reminded you of that fact. Just remember that when you go bragging to potential clients that they’re hiring the best, you really aren’t._

_Goodbye, dear._

At the bottom of the note was a little drawing of a cat. Dean re-read it, as if trying to make sense of it. “I don’t know any cat lady, and if I did, I’d call the crazy police on her. Humans and animals don’t mix.”

“You know what I mean!” Bela snapped. “Were you a part of this?”

“No,” Dean answered, looking her straight in the eye. “I didn’t know about this.” Bela studied him. She was an expert on lying and she prided herself on being able to tell when someone was trying to pull one on her. She couldn’t discern that Dean was telling her anything other than the truth. She figured Sam wouldn’t have the nerve to do anything without first consulting Dean.

“You held up your end bargain. I can’t fault you for that,” she said bitterly, getting out of the car. “But, if I ever find out you had something to do with this, I will make you suffer.” With that final parting shot, Bela walked away to her car, leaving the two brothers alone. They drove back to the motel in silence, Dean not even playing the radio.

When they got to their room, Dean paused. “There’s somebody in there,” he whispered to Sam, drawing his gun. Sam glanced at the door before nodding at his brother. Simultaneously, they busted through the door, guns raised at the intruder.

“Now, boys, there’s really no need to come in like that,” a voice purred out from the darkness. “I just came to say thanks for your help. Couldn’t have done it without you boys. You know,” she added, glittering eyes raking over Sam, “my offer of a night together still stands.” Dean bit back a laugh while Sam looked stricken.

“Thanks but no thanks,” he finally answered. There was an exasperated sigh from the darkness.

“Oh well, at least I got this beauty out of it. Time to do my one good thing for the year and return it to its rightful owners and all that jazz. Good thing they pay well, better than the idiot who was paying Bela.” And with that, the figure disappeared out of the room, leaving only an open window and flapping curtains. When Sam and Dean moved closer to see how their mysterious visitor was able to exit so silently, all they found was an exquisitely carved stone cat statue, with the note:

_It’s been fun boys. CW._

~*~*~

“So tell me again, how did this go down?” Bobby asked the boys as they sat at his table, a few days after the incident. “How did you two end up working with Catwoman, for Christ sakes?”

“She approached me and asked if I wanted to get one in over Bela Talbot,” Sam explained. “She knew what Bela would be after and it happened to be where we were at the time. She said all we would have to do is work with Bela and she would do the rest.”

“And if Bela ever finds out you helped Catwoman humiliate her?” Bobby asked, a worried frown creasing his forehead. Dean and Sam both looked at each other and shrugged.

“We’ll figure that out when the time comes,” Dean said, leaning back and taking a swig of his beer. “For now, I just want to celebrate that, for once, the Winchesters outsmarted Bela Talbot.”

“Not on your own, boy,” Bobby corrected, but with a smile on his face.

“Whatever.”

Miles away, in her luxurious Gotham City penthouse, Selina Kyle looked at the statue and gave a small smile. Bela had been put in her place, she was going to be a few million dollars richer, and she had paid off an old debt to the Egyptian foreign minister. “Here’s to you, Bela Talbot. Don’t play with the big girls unless you can keep up,” she toasted to the window.


End file.
